The Never Been Feta Burger, aka the Foot Feta-ish Burger

In episode 2 of Bob’s Burgers, Bob dreads the arrival of his in-laws so much that while trying to half-assedly repair a leak, he pretends to get stuck in the apartment’s crawl space, and eventually figures out that he really is stuck. As he slowly goes a bit nuts from the isolation—he begins to talk to the nightlight he has with him, imagining that he’s in an old prohibition speakeasy—Linda entertains her parents, and the kids get into trouble at school.

This episode really highlights the way that Bob’s portrays family: you may hate them sometimes, and they may be really weird, but you still put up with each other and help out when there’s a crisis. Louise, being Louise, gets the school counselor’s attention when she pretends her dad is dead and haunting the walls of the restaurant, and when Gene and Tina also get in trouble that same day, the overly sincere and rather inept counselor makes a home visit, which obviously goes really badly with the whole Bob situation happening. Linda’s mom, whom Bob hates because she is annoying and nagging, steps up and saves the family from getting social services called on them.

Along with the main plotline, there are several moments of pure delight in this episode. Tina suffers from night terrors that get a little weird. Because of her budding sexuality she ends up dreaming about zombies that she wants to make out with. Gene records the audio of his grandparents having sex and plays it as his history report, which he thinks is totally legit because they were alive when prohibition was going on, which makes them all historical and stuff. And Louise eggs on the school counselor, which, as Linda says directly to him with a little bit of pride in her voice, is because she enjoys messing with people that she thinks are stupid. Oh, and the ever-present wordplay, of course. Bob calls Linda (and her mom) Nagatha Christie, Naggedy Ann, and the Secretary of Nagriculture. And when he tells Louise to write the burger special on the board as the “Never Been Feta” burger, she obviously feels that there is room for improvement and changes it to the “Foot Feta-ish” burger.

So that’s what we’re cooking up today, whichever way you want to refer to it. I decided to go with a feta-stuffed burger with red peppers and onions and a basil mayonnaise.

Here’s all the stuff I put into the meat mixture. A pound of 93% ground beef, a tablespoon each of Worcestershire and parsley, and a sprinkling of salt and pepper (but go easy on the salt because the cheese is pretty salty).Ingredients

I popped strips of pepper and onion into the broiler to roast them a bit.Peppers and Onions

And here’s how I stuffed the burgers by making eight very thin patties of meat (for four burgers) and wrapping two of them around about a quarter cup of feta, making sure to really seal the edges as best as I could.Feta Stuffing

Then I cooked the patties over medium heat until they were cooked through. And no, I didn’t pay attention to how long they cooked, because I can really only do so much at once, and I freakin’ forgot, okay! In any case, if you’re not sure how long to cook a burger, just make sure a meat thermometer hits around 160° when inserted into the thickest part to be safe.

Let’s see, where was I? Oh, yes. I toasted my buns a bit. Whole wheat because of health and stuff. And I spread a bit of mayo on each side and sprinkled basil on the mayo. Very fucking fancy, y’all. Then I put the cooked burger, the roasted peppers and onions, and a bit of lettuce and tomato on the buns.Building Burger

And here’s what the final burger looked like.Final Burger

It was really damn good. You should go make one for yourself.


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